Saturday, April 9, 2011

a self-reflection on good news

So, I got my acceptance letter to TN Tech today.

I have mixed feelings about it.
For one, I'm ECSTATIC at the fact I can get to see what a big state school is like...
in a town where the temperature doesn't get below 0 enough days out of the year to count...
I'm happy that I'll be closer to my Nashville friends...
one of which who will live close enough to visit me after school and hopefully be my shopping buddy. :)
I'm grateful to be able to live in an apartment with more space.
With more big cities close by, maybe I'll be able to go to a concert or something
[still have never been to one that wasn't sponsored by school...]
and I'll get to visit more states and get more rubber keychains. XD
I'm a little sad though, because it just proves that this town,
which I've wanted to live in since I was a tiny child,
has failed me.
I hate to admit to myself that it IS possible to live here for 9 months and still feel so lonely.
I know it by heart though...I could get to the mall with my eyes closed. XD
It sucks that I don't even get a goodbye party this time...
Not because of money or time or anything else...
only because I don't know enough people to throw me one. :\
I'll miss the feeling you get when the snow finally melts...
when you're on a high and the world could not possibly be more beautiful.
But I suppose that's what visits are for?
I have to keep thinking of the good things...
like having my cats back!!
Instead of that general feeling I get every single time I start over...
Wondering if I'm doing the right thing,
and hoping with all my heart things will finally get better.
I rather like the anonymity of being somewhere else every year, but I know what I'd like more.
The predictability of getting up in the morning in a safe neighborhood,
stepping out the door and not being hit on by bus-creatures...
After school, going shopping or to the movies with friends who are actually REAL friends,
(not just tolerating me to cure their own boredom),
and coming back to take Lola out for a walk on her leash.
That little picture is enough to keep me going for now.

BTW, here's a couple of my favorite travel songs. :)

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