here we go again.

Well, summer's over.
Close enough, anyway.
Class starts on MONDAY. (!!!)
I've been the "new kid"/transfer student roughly once a year since age 16, so I'm used to walking in a classroom full of unfamiliar faces, but I still find myself worrying sometimes.
MSCTC was a huge let down, and here, I just want people to like me.
There are SO many clubs to join, so I'm hoping I'll find a place to fit in somewhere.
I doubt I'll join a sorority (dues are too expensive), but I might rush anyway, just to meet some girls.
I need girl friends!
Though Adrian, Shawn, Kyle, and James are amazing people and they make me so happy, I need shopping buddies. XD
I'm also thinking of joining an art club (need to get motivated to draw more!!), and possibly a church group.
There must be a church group here for every denomination, which means I will probably be avoiding BCM.
I don't need to be told how deserving of pity I am because I come from a "broken family" or any of the other crap certain baptists have told me. /end rant
Besides the frat party I went to a few weeks ago, I haven't had a chance to meet very many students in one place.
On Friday, there's a dance welcoming back all the college kids.
I think Kyle and I are gonna go, and I hope it will be an amazing time.
I'm in need of some fun.
This computer isn't much fun to stare at for days on end. :P

a self-reflection on good news

So, I got my acceptance letter to TN Tech today.

I have mixed feelings about it.
For one, I'm ECSTATIC at the fact I can get to see what a big state school is like...
in a town where the temperature doesn't get below 0 enough days out of the year to count...
I'm happy that I'll be closer to my Nashville friends...
one of which who will live close enough to visit me after school and hopefully be my shopping buddy. :)
I'm grateful to be able to live in an apartment with more space.
With more big cities close by, maybe I'll be able to go to a concert or something
[still have never been to one that wasn't sponsored by school...]
and I'll get to visit more states and get more rubber keychains. XD
I'm a little sad though, because it just proves that this town,
which I've wanted to live in since I was a tiny child,
has failed me.
I hate to admit to myself that it IS possible to live here for 9 months and still feel so lonely.
I know it by heart though...I could get to the mall with my eyes closed. XD
It sucks that I don't even get a goodbye party this time...
Not because of money or time or anything else...
only because I don't know enough people to throw me one. :\
I'll miss the feeling you get when the snow finally melts...
when you're on a high and the world could not possibly be more beautiful.
But I suppose that's what visits are for?
I have to keep thinking of the good things...
like having my cats back!!
Instead of that general feeling I get every single time I start over...
Wondering if I'm doing the right thing,
and hoping with all my heart things will finally get better.
I rather like the anonymity of being somewhere else every year, but I know what I'd like more.
The predictability of getting up in the morning in a safe neighborhood,
stepping out the door and not being hit on by bus-creatures...
After school, going shopping or to the movies with friends who are actually REAL friends,
(not just tolerating me to cure their own boredom),
and coming back to take Lola out for a walk on her leash.
That little picture is enough to keep me going for now.

BTW, here's a couple of my favorite travel songs. :)

& It's my heart I'll follow this time...

Some people might be confused about why I want to leave Minnesota again.
After all, the extent of which I hated Williamsburg is well known.
That hasn't changed. The college is still filled with lots of entitled rich kids while the town itself is falling down, there are no good stores in sight, no bus system, and no way of entertaining myself when nearly everyone goes home for the weekend.

I used to think anywhere south of Ohio and east of the central time zone line would be the same.
Then I went on this trip to Nashville. Maybe Nashville was just another city, but I fell in love with it. Being there just felt...right. Then I had to come back down to reality.

Living near Fargo (which is more of a 'big town' than a city) is expensive enough. There's no way I could find an apartment in Nashville at a price I can afford. If money was no issue, I'd probably be living in Chicago right now. I've felt drawn to that city even before I saw it for the first time.

Thinking logically, I clicked around on webpages for other nearby towns,
and I found one that looks right, only an hour away from Nashville. A friend that I met at the convention told me about the town she lives in. Rent is cheaper than I could have imagined for a town of its size, there is a good bus system and enough stores of all kinds to satisfy me.
The school there is one of the best public colleges in Tennessee.
I'm done filling out my application. I'll probably get in, but even if I don't, I'll probably still move there and take distance classes from home.

The thing that got me interested in TN Tech is their financial aid requirements.
I could qualify as an independent student if I could prove I had no financial support from my parent, which is easy enough to do. I pay everything...rent, bills, food, clothes, every thing I own these days, I've bought for myself somehow, and I could get in-state tuition if I can promise I will live there year-round and not go home for the summer.
What home? No family member of mine opens their house to me for 3 months of the year rent-free.

Even if one did, I LIKE apartment life. I don't want to go back to having just one room to myself. I've also fallen in love with the cute little 2 bedroom townhouses Mike & I could be living in for less than I'm paying now for this one bedroom in a sketchy part of town...
(Come on! My bike got stolen from our parking lot!) If he's working and I have money coming in, we could possibly even rent a house for ourselves. Either way, the kitties will have a yard to run around in.

Food is also cheaper in southern grocery stores, so even if I don't qualify for food stamps anymore, I can eat good, healthy meals more regularly. I will be happy because I can go outside at all months of the year, and not be afraid of freezing to death.
My anxiety will decrease because I won't have to constantly worry about snow making the buses late every day from November to March.

The friends I met (and reunited with in KY too) totally made the trip...
I can't imagine never visiting them more than once a year.
Old friends from college seem to genuinely want me to visit more than that. We had fun together.
The people here who think they can control my life will no longer be able to...
On this trip, I've learned that I'm a lot more independent than I thought I was.
This town doesn't need me, and I doubt my "family" would miss me much.
Why stay where I'm not needed?
I'm ready to find another new chapter of life on my own.
(and of course Mike will help.)