Tuesday, December 6, 2011

what happens when someone learns my secrets.

It's out of the bag.
He found out.
If you've been reading for the last couple weeks, you know who and what I'm talking about.
And he has been so distant...we talked for a bit yesterday, but I feel like there is more tension now, not less. Being around him is just uncomfortable. I'm not purposely avoiding him, but I'm sitting in the library right now rather than the UC because I'm in need of some inner peace.
I had my emotional explosion yesterday. You know, the usual crying in the rain for half an hour or so. (It always rains...how strange.) I prepared myself for a worse reaction (like, "Eww, what the hell...you're the grossest girl I've ever met. Go away...") so only being avoided is tolerable, though I'm still disappointed.
Falling for friends is the most painful curse any girl can have...unless they're the beautiful type who no one would ever turn away. Lucky, lucky people.
I can't help but wonder if my standards are too high. Is it too much to ask to have a friendly bond with someone before it evolves into more, or am I destined to settle for internet losers for the rest of my life? Right now, my only hopes for any guy I'm involved with are: to live in the same town as me, live independently (or not have strict parents that forbid them from seeing me), and either be in school or working. Impossible? Perhaps.
But I really, really don't want to go back to settling.
I hope someday, someone can show me that I deserve better than an emotionally abusive, unmotivated waste of space who lives in his mom's basement, mooching off her food stamps.
& hopefully we'll be friends first.

1 comment:

  1. You will find someone one day. Love/a relationship is something that you can't rush into(which based on readings you aren't wanting to which is good). "There are other fish in the sea" that term has been used more than it probably ever should but it does hold some true meaning. You deserve someone who cares about you, wants to be there for you through the good and the bad, and all of the above(and don't let anyone ever say different). Its hard to find love, it sort of just happens.Sometimes its right under our noses without us ever realizing it.