Wednesday, October 19, 2011


I shouldn't avoid e-mails or delete text messages.
But that's what I've been doing because I despise confrontation.
Please don't think of me negatively, girls I hardly know...
I was so grateful for the bid from OPA.
But I just can't go through with pledging. I thought I could handle it, but there is No. Way.
I read online about the dues waiver, and thought it would be no problem. Then I saw the form. There were tons of questions asking where every bit of my money comes and that itself is supposed to define whether I could make the payment or not.
Yes, I have lots of free time. That does not mean I am not depressingly poor.
I would love to have a part time job, but I know that is out of my reach for at least a couple more years.
Do I need to throw away half of my monthly food budget (what seems like it) on cat food & litter?
For my sanity's sake, yes.
I can't afford to set up a payment plan, or donate to charity. I receive charity myself. I really have nothing left to give. I don't know where my money goes every month. It just flies away, and there is never, ever enough.
It's hard enough funding my BCM habit, when it comes to trips, t-shirts, food, etc.
Speaking of, I have to give up on the spring break trip. There just isn't a spare $50 anywhere, and I don't think I can fundraise for the deposit.
It's sad, but hopefully I'll make local friends (for free) by then, so I won't have to stay here for a week all by myself.
The free friends all come from the internet.
(unless they need gas money, and then they're expensive too.)
So until then, that's where I'll be.

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