Saturday, November 5, 2011

grieving for someone not yet dead AKA sad week story

Today, when I could feel my heart breaking, I texted the usual person I talk to about stuff, and he told me to talk to a girl, so I came here. I don't know any girl well enough to unload all of this onto. Actually, no person deserves that at all. Right now, this blog is my closest friend.

Dear Kyle,
I hate your roommate for kicking you out. Like, never want to go to his house again, hate him. It wouldn't be the same without you anyway. Did you know, you were the first friend I had in this town who never tried to use me for sex? The first guy I knew in Tennessee entirely who had good intentions...who could hug me without trying to feel me up? If I had a way to help you, know that I would have. Cookeville will have a chunk missing until you come back. I hope you come back. I think it's been a good year since I cried this hard.

For everyone else,
I had to say goodbye to someone else this weekend too... though he's still here. That wasn't as painful... It still hurt, because I still had the message saved in my phone where he said he liked me, (it's deleted now, as well as his cell # and FB page) but it was like, we just drifted apart. With that, I think I'll be okay, because I found a new church group to join...Ben introduced me to one of his friends, and we spent the entire day together. If the rest of the people at this group are as nice as he was, it'll be just as awesome as the BCM, if not more so. I hate walking into a place where everyone already knows each other, but it's the biggest sliver of hope I have. Maybe things will get better once I meet some new people who aren't involved in the drama.

And, as my status obviously states, K & I will have one heck of a time keeping in touch...since I'll have no computer to type on. I'm returning this one back to it's rightful owner. B. was nice enough letting me use it for this long. And since I'm a good friend and not a mooch, he is getting it back as soon as I can meet up with him.

So this is the icing on the cake of a terrible week. Tomorrow was supposed to be my birthday party. I have no cake, no decorations, no cards, and no guest list. I'll still be there, waiting for a person or two to show up. K. never even got an invitation.

I'm sorry I don't have many good things to report this week. I just feel so utterly defeated.
At least, unlike last year, no one died.

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