Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Maturity? ...Or not.

Oh, I love birthdays. They're so much fun. I already had my party over a week ago, but the cards are still coming, and I know my phone will be buzzing all day tomorrow with Facebook notifications.
...But I'm still unhappy about getting older.
There is no way on earth that I feel (or act) 22.
Through Facebook, I see people that I graduated from high school with in lifestyles that are still years out of my reach.
Some are graduating college (or getting ready to). In reality, I should be a college senior right now. I am two years behind my graduating class. Most of the time, I'm okay with that. My friends are all younger than me, but I don't even notice unless we're talking about alcohol or a TV show that was on in the mid 90s. Most of the people I know here are so awesome. If I had to leave them in May to move again, what fun would that be? I'm a little embarrassed about being 24 when I'll graduate, but I try to think of what Brianna's dad said, "All that matters is I finish eventually."There is no way that I was ready to be in college when I was 18.
A huge number of girls I knew in junior high are now pregnant, married, or have already had children. I'm farther from that than I am from graduating for sure. Paying attention to kittens is hard enough! And marriage? I still get squealy and awkward when the guy I like talks to me at lunch (Though I do believe ANF is just as awkward as I am...) I have not yet mastered dating, my friends. No, just no. I don't know how those girls do it. I feel like if I made a mistake and found myself pregnant, I don't think I could keep the baby (I am pro-life, so I would give it up in an open adoption, not abort it). Not only would I have to drop out of school to take care of it (and school is my #1 priority above all else right now), it would grow up on welfare. Growing up as a solid middle-class kid was hard enough (Had all the "right" brand clothes but none of the fads)...I would never forgive myself if my child was the one made fun of in school because he/she was always in worn out clothes and living in a trailer...and it was all my fault?
So I'm not ready for the workforce OR a child, but that doesn't mean I'm hopelessly sheltered either. I've come a long way since I turned 18. Back then, I didn't know how to do laundry. Now I do, but finding a place to do it is the problem...I didn't know how to do dishes or cook anything that wasn't microwaveable. There are little things to be proud of.
I've learned how to get good grades in class, even though I can't afford books to study from.
I've never paid rent late.
I live independently with no parental support. No parental "moral" support either, though I do talk to my aunt and my mom's roommate once every week to two weeks.
This is my 4th apartment since I moved away from home. I know how to do rental applications and how to furnish a place on a goodwill budget.
If I HAD to drive a wasted friend home from a party, I could do it. I just hate driving so I have no desire to be a car owner. Someday I'll live in a big town again, where public transportation will seriously help me out.
I can handle pets, even though I'm not home to love them as much as I should be. Some days, Callie and Moo have eaten mayonnaise and alfredo sauce for dinner, but I always feed them something.
I've ridden a Greyhound bus halfway across the country. Three times. And moved across states. All by myself.
I know the big things will come in time. But for now I'm content celebrating my 22nd birthday with my (mostly younger, equally random) friends - stuffing ourselves with ice cream, watching My Little Pony, shopping in "teen" stores, and staying up late to go to the Breaking Dawn midnight release party.
I'll have enough time to be old. XD

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