I had thought about making this post yesterday, but I decided I'd "sleep on it" and see if anything changed once morning came. So for anyone who thinks I'm speaking (writing?) in the heat of the moment, I'm not. I'm typing logically, I promise.
I suppose people should know why I probably won't be at Common Ground on Tuesday to wrap the Operation Christmas Child presents. I don't want to get like 5 texts asking what's up. Oh, I've been thinking about this for awhile. There is a very specific reason I went to the UCSC with Sam last week. (And I would have gone this week too, but he went home for the weekend.) For awhile, I was considering spending time at both places. I was incredibly busy, but I could manage being in two places at once, so to speak.
And then, last night happened. I was just clicking through some old pictures when I (accidentally) realized that a fellow BCM-er blocked me on Facebook. I had unfriended him a few days ago - which is what I do when I'm no longer interested in receiving updates about a person's life. But I only block people when I have been stalked relentlessly, harassed, or otherwise seriously offended.
And if he thinks like me at all, I must have done something terribly wrong for him to want to deliberately erase me from his (e)-life. So I am doing the respectful thing and keeping my distance. I refuse to be antagonistic and invade his space...and the BCM is his space.
(Other random thing I've noticed = The only times I have had "bad moments"-- outside of financial reasons, since coming to Cookeville -- were because of things that had happened at the BCM. I have never left any other event or social group in a hopelessly depressed mood.)
I suppose I'll still go to events if someone invites me, but not by myself. I don't know if I'll still go to English hour or not. I'll try it once and see how I feel after. If I can still find a way to go to my community group, I will. They have been nothing but good to me.
So what will I do with the extra time? I don't have any exciting adventures planned up to now, but maybe I'll run into something. I do need to get my apartment cleaned out before Christmas break, but you all know how badly I procrastinate...Oh, I'll miss the cheap/free food...
For lunch on Thursdays, I have people to sit with. Brianna is always at Swoops during dead hour, along with my favorite member of the SG, who will now be nicknamed ANF (Awesome New Friend), and people that they both know. On Thursday nights, the SG spends their time in Jobe Hall, and there is always room for me. I don't have to worry about being lonely. ANF & I ate lunch together every single day last week. I think he likes to make sure that I'm not sad after seeing the void that K left.
I'm so excited for tonight, when the new people come back from wherever they went for the weekend. If I focus on putting more effort into this group, I think life will make a turn for the better, and I'll come home sad much less often.