Cookeville as a shopping town. (and "the list.")

This has never happened before.
I finished my whole local-friends Christmas list in one day.
I feel awesome, yet exhausted. Riding bike and walking for four hours takes a lot out of a person! (and a person's wallet...)
Now who is on this list, you ask? It's the same every year, yet different. The ten most awesome friends who had made me the happiest in the previous semester. I owe them. So I buy them presents. Last night, 2 unnamed "friends" broke a serious rule of the Girl Code, and since I no longer feel like I owe them sparkly wrapped gifts, I did buy a couple things for myself too. I had money left over.
I haven't bought anything new for myself (as a treat) since summer. The only things I've spent money on were to replace something that had broken or worn out. Nothing new just for fun!
Claires' 10 for $10 sale made me very happy this time around! I also went to:

• CVS (got pictures printed - 88 of them! The photo lady was very nice and didn't complain about the extra work I gave her.)
• Rue21 (So. Many. Awesome things. Sadly, all I got were a couple clearance T-shirts & socks. I had a budget to stick to!)
• KMart (I refuse to buy Christmas presents at Walmart. I hate Walmart, and only go there if I have to. Which I did later tonight to buy food and to spend my gift card. Here I found Christmas cards and My Little Pony toys. Hah.)
• BAM (Books are expensive! I had no idea! It was so hard to find one for under my $10 budget per person.) 
• Hobby Lobby (Which had a wonderful selection of wrapping paper! It was so hard to decide! The roll I chose was metallic purple!)

Yes, I do miss West Acres. That is THE mall for shopping, in my opinion. But in a way it's good that none of my favorite stores are here. I would have spent all the money on myself. XD
It was such a nice day to go out. There wasn't a cloud in the sky, and I think the temp. was in the high 60's. If only this town wasn't built on so many hills! The hills are what made me sad today. >_<
I hope all my friends like the things I bought them. I don't have as much money to spend this year as I did last year. Last year, the money came from sad events, but my friends got awesome things...
Brianna, Ben, Sam, Shawn, Kelly, Cana, Shane, Tyler, Devin, and Andrew - here's hoping I don't disappoint you. I tried really, really hard. (& Kyle would have gotten an awesome present if he would have stayed...) I wish I could afford to pay back everyone that's been so nice to me down here. :)

A Yankee Thanksgiving - Then & Now

Let's start here: I didn't grow up eating turkey.
Maybe I did when I was really little, but I don't remember it.
The first Thanksgiving I remember - I had just turned 7.
My parents, my aunt and uncle, my cousins, and I were all in a hotel in Fargo.
(For all my local readers, town in North Dakota - roughly the size of Chattanooga)
My memory might be off, but I do believe it was the Holiday Inn. I remember swimming in the hotel pool, and going to Toys R Us, KB Toys, and B Dalton (yes, even as a first grader, I loved books) really early in the morning. That's it.
As I got older, the memories fleshed themselves out a little. It was a different hotel every year. (One year, there was this really creepy old man in the hot tub at Holiday Inn Express, who was watching my cousin and I swim) ...but most of the time I remember happy things. When I have my own kids someday, I want them to have the same tradition too. I want to hand something down to them from their grandma that they won't get to meet. 
Thanksgiving weekend is where I tried Red Lobster and TGI Fridays for the first time. There was this buffet that closed down right by Burlington Coat Factory, but I don't even remember the name anymore. I always thought I was special. I was happy that I didn't have to sit at home in my terrible little town and eat turkey and watch football. (which doesn't taste that great anyway).
I remember turning 18, and as a present my parents and I stayed at the Ramada for a night. I went to the movies with a friend from high school who had ended up moving just down the street, and we ate at this amazing, fancy restaurant in the basement of the hotel. I thought it was the coolest thing ever that there were computers for public use there, so I could send pictures to my many online friends. (This was in the MySpace days, and I was obsessed.)
After my parents split up, my mom and I went by ourselves. We stayed at the Kelly Inn, got our snacks from the Hornbacher's on 13th (I thought it was an amazing grocery store. This is before I learned what "overpriced" meant), and ate dinner at Super Buffet, where I tasted sushi for the first time. (She thought it tasted like glue.)
All of these trips are what influenced my decision to move to Moorhead last year. I was quite let down once I found out that city life isn't all shopping, hotels, and restaurants. Sadness follows a person there, too. :(
But even greater than the hotels and Chinese food...Oh, the shopping!
Christmas shopping just has to be one of my favorite times of year. Everything about it makes me happy. Sometime between Halloween and my birthday, I make a list of people to buy presents for. Two lists, actually. One for family and one for friends.
Ever since I had my own money, it's been that way. (Really. I remember being 12 years old and up with my parents in line at Target at like, 6:30. And liking it.) I've had a couple people tell me it's weird that I spend my birthday money getting other people's presents. And it just might be weird, but I love wrapping paper, cards, boxes, all of it. So I don't mind!
Of course, the holiday is different now.
I'm not going to be spending it in a hotel near the mall. (Any mall.)
I probably won't even get to eat Chinese.
(Unless it's warm enough to walk to the Chinese place near me.)
I'm spending it by myself.
(Can't leave the cats alone for more than overnight.)
But I can hold on to some tradition. On Friday morning, I will wake up early (not as early as my parents did, but early for me), and go shopping. I will bike down to Jackson Plaza, and if there is any money left over after buying some new winter clothes, I will get my friends some awesome Christmas presents!
I'm seriously excited for this.
Happy holiday season!

A Happy November Post - 30 things

This is the Thanksgiving month.
Though I am not thankful for Thanksgiving itself (nothing will ever beat sushi on Thursday night and Black Friday shopping at West Acres the day after...), my life still has some awesome things in it.
1 for every day of the month.
I left out some obvious stuff, because it's the little things that matter, right?
(not in any order & this is NOT a complete list...)

1.  Callie & Moo (aren't they the cutest?)
2.  Both of my church groups & everyone in them.
3.  Easy classes to boost my GPA.
4.  The 3rd of every month (money day).
5.  Ben's laptop. (I'd be lost without it!)
6.  My bike.
7.  Pictures that turn out.
8.  Text messages. (Night texts are my favorites. Good morning texts are nice too!)
9.  Sleeping in on Saturday mornings.
10. Trees that change color in Tennessee.
11.  Christmas season. (I love, love, love shopping for presents/cards/wrapping paper...and yes, I also love wrapping presents!)
12.  Relaxation drinks. (I am gonna stock up. Long Greyhound ride is coming.)
13.  Skype.
14.  Kyle's friends. (Who keep me so busy, I don't have time to be lonely!)
15.  Tech football games. (Free snacks and last time I met a really cool new friend there.)
16.  Weekly phone calls from home.
17.  Random e-mails that aren't spam.
18.  My classmates that sit by me & are actually friendly!
19.  Rides home on cold nights.
20. Thursdays AKA Cheap Food Day.
21.  Netflix (which is cheaper than cable!)
22.  Sleeping pills.
23.  The really awesome, fast Macs in the library.
24.  CVS shampoo (Smells amazing. I don't like to get it anywhere else.)
25.  Passing notes in Geology.
26.  Never having to eat lunch alone.
27.  Rhapsody. (Music saves my life.)
28.  Mail. (Bills don't count.)
29.  Shopping trips. (Even though I go on more than I probably should.)
30.  This blog. (Unlike people, it will never judge me for complaining!)

Just another Mom Post - 1 year later...

It really is just coincidence that I've been too depressed to function this week.November 8th, 2011 is a new day on it's own. Nothing bad has happened in it, so I don't fear or dread it.
It's the tiny, everyday things that get to me.
Like when I'm at home and not expecting a knock at the door. It's always the mailman or a neighbor returning a runaway kitten. But I jump a little every time, because just ONE knock turned into the worst news of my life.
And I get a little jealous every weekend when my friends get to go home. "But you live so far away!" you say. "You couldn't go home if even if you HAD a home!" What you don't know is, had I never lost the only family member who unconditionally supported me... (aside from 5 months when I was technically homeless, but that wasn't her idea and I've forgiven her for it.) ...I never would have came to Tennessee in the first place.
There were other places to stay. But I had no more room of my own, no more kitchen stocked with edible food and friendly cats, no more trips on Black Friday and Easter and the day before school started. No one to call when I got an A on a test (or a C or lower), and no one to cry with me when I felt lonely...And suddenly, there was nothing keeping me at home anymore, because the parts of my life I had loved were all gone.

I am not grateful for what happened. I hate it.
But I was forced to grow up when I didn't want to.
Now I do believe I am more independent.
I believe my social skills have improved because I needed to find a whole new support system on my own.
Good things have happened in the last year (though definitely sprinkled amongst a whole lot of bad.)
I wish she could have seen the kittens grow up. Tweek was her favorite.
She'd be cooing all over the pictures of Callie and Moo.
She would have loved my many tree pictures, and she would have been jealous to hear that I got hot walking around town in November.
I wish more than anything that she could meet my friends...everyone I've met in the last year, who came into my life and stayed there.
Brianna & Shawn & Ben & Margaret & Sam & Devin & everyone at the BCM and Kyle. She would have sympathized, because she knew how hard it is for me to say goodbye to -anyone- whether I've known them for years or months or just a little while.
I'm sad because she's not here, but I'm not mad at her. I never was.
She wouldn't have left me if she had any other choice.
My life is never going to be the same as those other people who still have two parents.
But I am determined to make it full and exciting and awesome...someday.
just in case she's watching.

grieving for someone not yet dead AKA sad week story

Today, when I could feel my heart breaking, I texted the usual person I talk to about stuff, and he told me to talk to a girl, so I came here. I don't know any girl well enough to unload all of this onto. Actually, no person deserves that at all. Right now, this blog is my closest friend.

Dear Kyle,
I hate your roommate for kicking you out. Like, never want to go to his house again, hate him. It wouldn't be the same without you anyway. Did you know, you were the first friend I had in this town who never tried to use me for sex? The first guy I knew in Tennessee entirely who had good intentions...who could hug me without trying to feel me up? If I had a way to help you, know that I would have. Cookeville will have a chunk missing until you come back. I hope you come back. I think it's been a good year since I cried this hard.

For everyone else,
I had to say goodbye to someone else this weekend too... though he's still here. That wasn't as painful... It still hurt, because I still had the message saved in my phone where he said he liked me, (it's deleted now, as well as his cell # and FB page) but it was like, we just drifted apart. With that, I think I'll be okay, because I found a new church group to join...Ben introduced me to one of his friends, and we spent the entire day together. If the rest of the people at this group are as nice as he was, it'll be just as awesome as the BCM, if not more so. I hate walking into a place where everyone already knows each other, but it's the biggest sliver of hope I have. Maybe things will get better once I meet some new people who aren't involved in the drama.

And, as my status obviously states, K & I will have one heck of a time keeping in touch...since I'll have no computer to type on. I'm returning this one back to it's rightful owner. B. was nice enough letting me use it for this long. And since I'm a good friend and not a mooch, he is getting it back as soon as I can meet up with him.

So this is the icing on the cake of a terrible week. Tomorrow was supposed to be my birthday party. I have no cake, no decorations, no cards, and no guest list. I'll still be there, waiting for a person or two to show up. K. never even got an invitation.

I'm sorry I don't have many good things to report this week. I just feel so utterly defeated.
At least, unlike last year, no one died.

birthday list - for family, friends, and other random humans.

I used to think presents were a huge deal, back before I knew where money came from.
When I was in middle school, I remember being mad at my parents because they gave me one less gift than the year before.
I'd only look forward to turning another year older because I knew I'd get money.
I was a spoiled child.
If gifts were the only thing that mattered, last year would have been the best ever.
I got hundreds of sympathy dollars.
But this year, I want something else.
I just want my friends to eat cake and pizza with me, and take funny pictures.
So basically, like lunch or any school event, but better.
But if you insist...
Yes, I am always in need of gift cards because my apartment still doesn't have furniture, and I am constantly freezing.
But this party isn't to get a kitchen table or a bookshelf or winter clothes.
I want your company. :)
On the other hand, I do love cards.
Bought from Hallmark or handmade out of notebook paper.
I save all of them, if possible.
Cards are a tangible reminder that say, "Hey, I was thinking about you today."
I like it when people think about me.
The party is on Sunday at 2 at Cream City.
Hope to see you there for free food and general awesomeness.

a sequence of events.

If I hadn't been a miserable loser in high school,
I wouldn't have been so desperate to leave home.
I would have applied to a local school,
instead of a private religious college in a different time zone.
Too bad my "friends" there failed me.
Both the "oddballs" and some of the BCM regulars.
If only I would have been happy in Williamsburg...
I would not have returned home.
I would have missed the convention in Minneapolis.
I wouldn't have become twitter-friends with Candace.
She wouldn't have told me she was gonna sing in Nashville.
I wouldn't have bought spring break tickets to Nashville with my aid overage.
I wouldn't have gone on Facebook looking for a convention friend after C. cancelled.
Brianna and I wouldn't have started e-mailing.
We wouldn't have met a few months later at Opryland.
I never would have fallen in love with Nashville.
I wouldn't have ever heard about Tennessee Tech.
I would have stayed at home,
never again returning to the BCM.
I wouldn't have met Daniel & Larry,
and Ben who took me to English hour...
Where I met Margaret, who has so much energy.
And the five of us wouldn't have had an amazing time at the Halloween party last night.
Crazy how things work.